aku bukan robot

salam a'laikum...

we can only plan right? but He is the One who will be deciding whether what we planned can become reality or not. even though it is hurting when what we had planned didn't came out as it suppose to be, don't be sad. innallahama'ana. He is always with us. Allah kan ada... He knows the best for us. 

that was my first test for today. what was it? let just say, i am the one who are left behind. not that people left me but I had to make decision to stay back. sounds pathetic right? i know. but i strongly believe that Allah had planned something better for me here and not over there. sabar ye. 

ok, for a week, may be two. SERABUT, keserabutan... had overwhelmed me. i tried to find why? what is Allah trying to tell me? where did i go wrong? all of the questions keep on bugging me and contribute to me keserabutan. blerrgghhh...!! and then, after long jouney searching for the answer, my suffer ends. 

'uzlah. means like separating yourself from the society for a while. [memencil/ mengasingkan diri]. it is human's fitrah. even Rasulullah had his uzlahs.to be alone and muhasabah. and i had mine. yeah, sometimes we do need time alone. but then, isn't it like selfish? thinking of myself more than others? so, i asked a sahabat. she said, it depends on the reason why i need my time alone. the only reason why i need that time alone is that i want to get my head back in the game and find Allah in my heart. i think i had been doing stuff like a robot. just do work but my heart in just not there. emptyness. huh~~~

so, He gave me this keserabutan, double SERABUT with all the assignments that need to be submitted all in one day. again, blerrrgghh!! hurm... sabar ye. it is just like negative feedback mechanism. when we feel lost or not in a homoestatisly-regulated phase, He will initiate something in order to get us back in the right mode.

two days back, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah.... all praises to Allah. i found back the lost feeling inside 'here'. i forgot how much seronok it is to put my head on the praying mat and just sujud. not to ask anything, not to beg for anything. just sujud. again, i remember the long lost feeling of being one of his hamba. knowing that we have Allah, and feel that we have Allah are two different things. we all know that Allah kan ada, but do we certain that Allah is there in our heart? i get my answer. subhanallah... the feeling was freakin' awesome! thank you Allah. told ya, He was saving the best for last.

R E M I N D E R

if we are doing something for the sake of our ad-deen, please make sure that we do not end up being a robot that just do things because other robots are doing it and not knowing the purpose of its creation. jangan jadi robot dakwah.

The one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.