evil within;

salam a'laikum.

when your mind is thinking of something that you shouldn't be though about,

when your heart is craving for someone that you shouldn't be craved about,

 STOP!

istighfar banyak-banyak!

the satan is playing tricks on you, i mean US.

if there is any conversation that keeps you worried,

if there is any question that keeps on bugging you,

if there is any problem that make you lose focus,

pray to Allah for His Guidance.

never let the dark overwhelmed you. 

yeah, it is not easy.

says who it would be easy?

but it is not impossible at the same time.

pernah dengar, sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit?

it is ok to start small.

begins with a greate huge NO to sins, envy, paranoid, ikhtilat.

sometimes, we take for granted these stuff.

"alaa, tak pe."

well, it will start as tak-pe, but once we tasted the 'so-called-sweetness' of jahiliyah, our darkened hearts will crave for more. but remember, it is never too late to return as He is the Most Merciful.

brothers and sisters,

never feel pleased with sins, with vices.

jangan pernah kita redha dengan maksiat.

often we pray to Allah to keep us away form the evil of the world and jealousy of humans.

do we ever pray to Him to forbid us from the evil within ourselves?

one word, n a f s u.

The one who speak to the others is speaking to oneself.

terpilih

salam a'laikum.

just want to share this feeling.
please watch this video clip and if you dont mind dear readers, kindly tell me what seerah or stories that included in it?

watched this a few times.
R E M I N D E R:
jaga pandangan tau!!!
please don't adore Maher Zain.
just adore the messages that he tried to tell us. ^_^
insha-allah.

bored? try this.

The one who speak to the others is speaking to oneself. [love this]

salam a'laikum!

getting tired of EE, TOK?

rasa nak muntah tengok kulit buku Lorong Midaq, Saga, Langit Petang?

kepala udah pusing pikir'in apa'an lagi perlu dibuat sama Bio Lab Report?

ok, stop! hands off the laptop. take off your reading glasses. and go get your apron. yeah! we are going to destroy the kitchen! ok, not literally.

this is what we are going to make. i know, it is simple. [kanak-kanak umur 8 tahun pun boleh buat]. but, do i care? some might say that, "alaa... bende ni senang je buat. nak kecoh-kecoh kenape la?". well, small thing to us, might be the world to somebody else. even this might embarassing me in this blog world, "what? dah 19 tahun baru reti buat tu je?". again, do i care? 

oh, ok enough! that is not husnu zhon [bersangka baik], that is su'u zhon [paranoid]. astaghfirullah... 

let's start. we are going to create the most awesomest [do these words exist?] KEK BATIK, recipe by Puan Noraini binti Hj Ujang, an excellent accountant in Ampang, an adorable wife, and also a successful mother of half a dozen children. [ma, i know you are reading this]

bismillah ar-rahman ar-raheem

all we need will be:

Part A:

8 eggs

1/2 cup of sugar

250 mg of buttercup [no need to weight it, just take 1 from the frigde]

Part B:

2 cups of oligo [no MILO!]

1/2 cup of cocoa powder

1 tin of condensed milk
1 tin of water

3 cups of nestum [this is optional, we know that nestum is NESTLE's product. if you have one in your cabinate, then use it. but if you don't, don't even thinking of buying one]

Part C:

a packet of Meri Biscuit

methods:

haha!! i feel like i'm designing a lab report, with the apparatus and materials plus the procedures. ^_^

1. beat Part A until you think it is enough. [it's up to you wheter you want to use you bare hands or just use the mixer]
2. in other bowl, add Part B and mix them well.
3. break those meri biscuit into 4 parts each.
4. add Part A and part B into a hot frying pan.
5. cook it until it become a lil bit sticky and then add Part C. [while you are mixing  them don't forget to selawat or zikir because it will make it more barakah. insha-allah]
6. mix them well and transfer them into anything you think big enough for them.
7. remember to compact the cake because we don't want any air spaces in it. [tak sedap]
8. let it cool down before placing it in the fridge.

alhamdulillah, that is how we make KEK BATIK! which is very simple, and can be done in less than 15 minutes, make it 30 if it is your first time. no oven needed, that is the best part. because i hate oven! insha-allah, i'll upload pictures of my freshly made kek batik later. it is in the fridge.

when you have no one else to talk to, the stove will be your BFF. hurm.. never thought that being ALONE will the this LONELY. well, served you right, aimi! now, get your hands off the refrigerator's door and get back on the assignments.

p/s: don't forget to clean up the mess. even Top Chef clean his own mess.

good luck. ^_^

reminds me of him

salam a'laikum.

watched Happy Feet, again.

hurm... i dont know why, but when i watched that movie, i was thinking of something else. precisely, someone. a person who was isolated by his people. a person who sought for the truth. a person who tried his best to help his people, even it cost him his life.

yeah, Mumble was cute, tap dancing. but again, my mind was not thinking of the dancing steps or the voice of Gloria singing the Boggy Wonderland or even the 5 amigos' rapping.

first scene was, during childhood, mumble isolate itself from its community just to be who it is, tap dancer instead of a singer like all penguins were.

reminds me of the time when Prophet Muhammad isolated himself from the quraish and went to Hira' cave. there, he received his first wahyu. surah al-'alaq. ha! speaking of this surah, one of my favourite surah, insha-allah i'll try to post a story behind this surah.

there was a scene where Mumble was banished from his group of penguins because it said something about aliens who were stealing their fish [ok, ini tak perlu].

it reminds me of the time when the muslims plus bani hashim and bani abd manaf were isolated for three years just because they wanted to protect their akidah. it was the quraish's fault! [ini emosi]

there was also a scene where Mumble tried to grab on the fish net but it end up being hurt by the humans.

it reminds me about the time where Rasulullah was bleeding, injured badly [till it is said that it could be heard the sound of blood inside his shoes] when he went back from Thaif. but still, he prayed for them to accept islam one day instead of agreeing to Jibril's suggestion which was something that will cause death of the Thaif people.

it is not like i'm comparing Mumble with Muhammad pbuh. NO! but the story behinds it. every single thing in our life is islam actually. if and only if we want to look it from the perspective of islam. one day, insha-allah, all of us will be hearing rasulullah reciting the quran in jannah just before we have the chance of seeing Allah., in person! that would be the ultimate awesome!!!

i was browsing the video file in my laptop. well, searching for something to strengthen this "wall". it is kinda long and a lil bit slow, more than 7 minutes. but if we can spend the whole day reading Lorong Midaq or Saga or Langit Petang, 30 minutes playing farmville at facebook, chit chatting until midnight, why can't we spend less than 10 minutes to remind us of our prophet muhammad peace be upon him.

here is the video.

paling hampir?

salam a'laikum.




alhamdulillah, finally.
my promise can be fulfilled.
i know it is for beginners.
well, i am a beginner.
dear roommate, wait for this song.
although it might sounds, like... bleeerrrgh!!
insha-allah. you'll like it.

bilamana hari lahir seseorang tiba. ucapan semoga panjang umur sering disampaikan kepada yang sudah meningkat dewasa itu. tapi sedarkah kita bahawa usia kita sebenarnya semakin pendek? as if like, kematian semakin hampir.

teka teki imam ghazali,

1. apa yang paling dekat dgn diri kita di dunia ini?
2. apa yang paling jauh dari kita di dunia ini?
3. apa yang paling besar di dunia ini?
4. apa yang paling berat di dunia?
5. apa yang paling ringan di dunia?
6. apa yang paling tajam sekali di dunia?

ha, jawab-jawab...

1. ajal [3:185]
2. masa lalu
3. hawa nafsu [7:179]
4. amanah [33:72]
5. meninggalkan solat
6. lidah

p/s: sedang muhasabah diri.

need adrenaline?

salam a'laikum.

regarding the previous post; gone with the wind.

whenever we feel that we are at the edge of the cliff, as if like our eeman is going down, gradually, don't just sit at the corner and do nothing.

"owh, my eeman is getting weaker. what should i do."

"this is all your fault, Mr. Holiday!"

"i wish i am in college right now, need the biah solehah."

stop being a cry baby! grow up. ik it may sounds harsh, but to get His love we need to be harsh with ourselves. like a sister often tols me that, "untuk dapat cinta Allah, kita kena garang dengan diri sendiri."

if we feel something wrong with our faith, with our ibadah, with our relationship with Allah and humans. get up! do something, anything. as long as it is not against syariat islamiah. please read some blogs, or call anyone that can help to put a stop to your problem. insha-allah. read some buku fikrah. or novels, of course not love novels. [i am so not into love novels, why? may be another time. again x significant]. starts your engine or grab your 'touch n go' take a train, go and visit others.

i know, there is no 100% certain that you will boost your eeman on the spot. not He looks at the result, yet He looks at our effort.

again, i love this.
"you will never reach perfection because there is always room of improvement. yet, along the way to perfection you will learn to get better."

let's be better; if there is any adrenaline for iman available out there, naaa... Allah kan ada.

don't

salam a'alaikum.

one thing i just learned 6 minutes ago.

la taghdob.

jangan marah.

don't be angry.

yeah, sometimes emotional can greatly harm ourselves and others. plus with the hormones imbalance. situasion could get uglier than ever. just that, if we are mad at someone, avoid placing the anger on innocent one. istighfar... yeah, relax. chill. Allah kan ada. smile. just walk away.

there, we defeated satan. who triggers us to fill our heart with anger. again, Allah kan ada.

gone with the wind.

salam a'laikum.

currently i am watching "Sang Murabbi" at youtube.

alhamdulillah, Ustaz Rahmat said something that really suitable at this time. i had paused at the particuler scene, Sang Murabbi Part 10/12, [at 7:40, is it the minute or the detik, i can't figure it out] since last monday, due to several reasons. no need for me to mention here.

“Allah ta’ala akan sentiasa menguji antum pada titik terlemah antum. Orang yang lemah dalam masalah harta, namun kuat dalam masalah pangkat dan wanita, tidak diuji dengan wanita dan pangkat. Orang yang sentiasa mudah tersinggung dan pemarah, akan diuji oleh Allah dengan dipertemukan dengan orang-orang yang sentiasa membuatnya tersinggung dan marah. Seseorang yang sentiasa berlambat-lambat dalam dakwah kerana alasan ‘isteri, mertua, tetamu’ akan sentiasa dihadapkan dengan alasan-alasan itu, ‘mertua datang, tetamu datang silih berganti,’ yang akan terus menundanya untuk bersegera menghadiri program dakwah, sampailah dia boleh mengutamakan agenda dakwah dalam kehidupannya”
(K.H. Rahmat Abdullah,Episode Cinta Sang Murabbi)

anyone who ever been tested will feel something, deep inside like [aduh,terkena aku!]. everyone will be tested, especially those who Allah loves. "... those who fight in His Cause in rows (ranks) as if they were a solid structure." [as-saff,61:4]


do we remember what did Allah told us in al-ankabut, the 2nd and 3rd ayah.

Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test).

how about this,

And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allâh) and the patient ones, and We shall test your facts (i.e. the one who is a liar, and the one who is truthful).
[Muhammad, 47:31]

and this,

Do you think that you shall be left alone while Allâh has not yet tested those among you who have striven hard and fought and have not taken Walîjah [(Batanah - helpers, advisors and consultants from disbelievers, pagans, etc.) giving openly to them their secrets] besides Allâh and His Messenger, and the believers. Allâh is Well-Acquainted with what you do.
[at-taubah,9 : 16]

He was telling a story to one of his student, about a little monkey and three winds; a storm, a hurricane and a tornado.

one day, the little monkey climb up a tree. then, there were three strong winds wanted to blow the poor monkey untill it falls off the tree.

so, the first wind; storm came. fooooo... fooo.. fooo.... [konon-konon bunyi angin ribut]. but the little monkey held the tree trunk tightly. very very firm grip. hence, storm failed. then, the second wind, hurricane tried its luck. woshh... wosh... wosh.... [again, konon-konon taufan melanda]. it blew even stronger. but the little monkey held on to the tree even more tightly. there is no way i'm going to hands off this tree! [says the monkey, ok ini rekaan]. therefore, the hurricane failed too. next, the third wind's turn. and again, it failed.

yeay!! alhamdulillah... the monkey won!

out of no where, a wind.. soft wind [in malay it is called angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa, sorry don't know what it is called in english]. it blew softly through that little monkey's fur. make it felt very comfortable. when i say comfortable, i mean like very very ultimate comfort. the monkey was so indulged with the comfortableness [does this word exist?], it fell asleep and hence fell off the tree. gedebuk!

hurm... how a simple easy going wind can beat the little monkey's firm grip.

we often cry and beg for mercy from Allah when we faced difficulties. we hold on to the shahadatain when everything aroung us are opposing us. we build strength when it comes to fight the evil and darkness. [wa.. macam harry potter lawan lord voldemort pulak].

but when we are in comfort zone, we often defeated, easily. verily, the world is full of temptation. wealth, peace, affairs, and so on. when we are tested with something easy such as, erm.... ha! holidays! we tend to forget who we are actually.

do we have different God when we are in college and at home? no right? the same god, Allah. we serve Him as His humble slaves. either in college or at home. or anywhere we go. we are still abid.

huh~~ so, what do we need to do? REFRESH OUR EEMAN! let's press the refresh button. if we perform our prayer, but felt nothing. there is something wrong. if we recite the quran but it is just like reading a story book. there is something wrong. when we say we love Allah but we did not love Muhammad pbuh. totally, something is wrong.

"If a person's heart is clean and pure, then it will not feel satisfied to continue reading the Quran." by saidina usman.

this is a reminder for me, mostly. been "away" from the path recently. astaghfirullah hal'azeem.

bibliografi:
- http://perjalananjauh.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/ujian-datang-di-titik-terlemah/
[dont know why, it is not copying or what so ever, it just that we have the same idea, subhanallah]

kids;

salam a'laikum. ^_^

here's a strory to tell.

there were a little girl and a little boy. who were different. when i say different, i mean literally different. she was a malay, musleem but she never knew or wanted to discover what is the meaning of 'islam'. on the other hand, he was a chinese, buddist more precisely. every year, when moon cake festival came around... his family will give the girl's family, of course moon cakes [insha-allah, the halal one] plus angpows. as a token of appreciation, they got kuih raya and duit raya as well when it was eidul fitri. but why? hah- they were neighbours. ^_^

15 years ago, two kids with innocent faces and pure hearts, not knowing anything... they became friends. he talks chinese, she speaks malay. see this? like a chicken is talking to a duck. i dont understand you, neither do you. hahaha... but still, they talked. they talked through the fences. had a long conversation. everyday? perhaps... and then, both of them would lough out loud [tergelak golek-golek atas lantai]. i don't know why, but perhaps it was because they were lauging at each other, not with each other. [hahahah! kamu cakap ape tu? tak reti cakap bahasa saya ke? hahahah.. kesian-kesian...] but again i tell ya, they talked. their parents just observed from the inside of the house. wondering... [do they understand each other? confius-confius!]

so, what am i trying to say here?
jom gelak golek-golek? nope. just that i want to emphasize here, how children's heart can be as white as snow. they never pretend. they do not envy each other. not even mocking or use bad words to each others. even they are different. yes, they were laughing at each others due to different language they used. due to distinct undertanding. but they get along.

but nowadays, what do we see? adults. yeah... including me. do we ever see the world as the kids see it?

i know, adults burdened with huge responsibilities. but there is no need to quarrel for a simple thing. frankly speaking, our ego develops simultaneously with our age. perhaps it grows even at a higher rate than our current age. we didn't bother to control it, until we lose control of it.

sometimes, i love watching the kindergarten kids. they... of course cute. plus, they take care of each other. sharing crayons, fetching others shoes, reciting du'a together, holding hands while walking at the playground, wiping tears when one of them wounded their knees, giving packets of sweet to the class when it is their birthday. there were also kids that do not want to go back home because it will separate them apart. [duh~~ just for a day, tomorrow you will see your friends again!]

but don't you see? don't we see? they practice apprecitation. and i bet they don't even know that the word A P P R E C I A T E means.

the sad part is, they, the kindergarten kids, will grow up one day. and become adults. will they become like us? heartless, full of jealousy, hatred, selfish, ego-maniac. ok, not all of us are like that.

it is just that, it breaks my heart looking at movies nowadays. everything is based on wealth, jealousy, forbidden love, violence. that's all. that's it? they said they just want to portray the real life of the community. open your eyes [ konon... jangan pilih jalan hitam]. but don't they have brains? even hearts? kids are watching movies too. they have early exposure to drugs, alcohols, murder, wars. at that age, they can absorb almost everything regardless the consequences.

worried about my sibs.

yeah, it's still here...

salam a'laikum.

there was a day, period of islamic studies in class. ustaz shared something. there are 10 things that make our heart blind, resulting Allah did not fulfill our du'a.

1. kamu kenal allah tapi kamu tidak menunaikan suruhan-Nya.
2. kamu kata kamu cintakan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w tapi kamu tinggalkan sunnahnya.
3. kamu baca al-quran tapi kamu tidak beramal dengan isi kandungannya.
4. kamu makan nikmat allah tapi kamu tidak bersyukur.
5. kamu kata syaitan itu musuh kamu tapi kamu tidak menentangnya.
6. kamu kata syurga itu benar tapi kamu tidak beramal untuknya.
7. kamu kata neraka itu benar tapi kamu tidak menjauhinya.
8. kamu kata mati itu benar tapi kamu tidak bersedia untuknya.

when it came to 8, only one thing in my mind. then, ustaz continued...

9. kamu bangun dari tidur dan kamu ceritakan segala keaiban manusia tapi kamu lupa akan keaiban kamu sendiri.
10. kamu kebumikan mayat sahabat kamu tapi kamu tidak mengambil iktibar daripada kematian itu.

thus, my heart melted reminiscing those days. it was a really direct call from Him. to all of us in the class. we looked at each other and then, heads down staring at the tables. deep inside, the old wound, the scar was bleeding again. and i think i need it to bleed. as a reminder, what i had forgotten.

obey the signs, wud ya?

salam a'laikum...

today started with my heart torn into pieces. huhuhu~~~[sadis2]. the programme that i had planned a week ago, just went into the drain with all my tears and hopes [waaaa.. ini exaggerate!!]

it was nothing actually. I only managed to plan, but He is the One who will decide. well~~ who is a better planner if not Him? alhamdulillah, i thank Allah for what He had decided for me today.

ok what did i learned today?

hurm.. let's see...

people do not understand signboards nowadays.

1. it is clearly a PINK women coach! why there are people with moustaches and hair-less head?s there you go, uncomfortable when it is already 4.30pm in the komuter with guys in it. really2 packed. i wish i could kick them out.

2. no parking area. why there is an UNSER just beside the lolipop sign? there you go, traffic jam.

3. no littering. why he threw his used tissue paper beside the bin, not in it? poor mak cik sapu sampah terpaksa bongkok-bongkok kutip sampah dia.

4. please line up. why that guy just simply get in the line infront of me? there you go, he did not only ordered a knuckle sandwich from me but also from the people lining up after me. the crowd gone mad.

ouh- really pissed me. i screamed my lungs out, silently. only Allah knows how angry i was. but then again, be patient... anger will solve... N O T H I N G. ok?

so, here are the solutions that took place.

1. there was a makcik. she said out loud, "ini ladies sahaja. ladies.. LADIES!!!". simultaneously pointing out the pink lady in the komuter's door. out you go guys.

2. a police traffic came. a present, a ticket. serve you right.

3. a man, huge man called upon the guy. "awak tak nampak ke tong sampah kat depan mata awak tadi?" with a big deep voice which could be heard by erm... everyone!

4. as i said, the crowd gone mad. then, a makcik with a polka dot scarft and a strawberry handbag came foward and said, "boy, you know ha... you are not being reasonable. go back into the line, would you haa?".

all of the makcik-makcik, the man and the police traffic, thank you Allah for sending them in the time of need. oh- itu sangat comel.

along the way to ktm serdang, i've been thinking. why it is so hard for people to obey the signs? the rules?

know what? if humans are brave enough to disobey Allah's rules, don't you think that they will do the same to human's rules?

semut-semut

salam a'laikum.

fuh~~
alhamdulillah, Allah masih memberi peluang kepada saya untuk terus bernafas dalam jiwa hamba [asif auni ^_^] pada pagi ini.

post yang lepas agak memblurkan kepala saya. harap-harap tidak memblurkan sesiapa seperti saya yang tengah blur ini. asif-asif...

saya nak berkongsi satu cerita yang terlintas di kepala saya sewaktu di kampung tempoh hari. kisah nabi sulaiman dan semut. sebenarnya, saya telah berdiri di atas sarang semut tanpa saya sedari. bila sudah melangkah masuk ke dalam kereta, adush!! sakitnya, habis kaki saya. ramai.... eh.. banyak semut. itulah... jangan berdiri atas sarang semut. ^_^ kisah ini sekadar perkongsian.

Semut bersama Nabi Sulaiman

PADA zaman Nabi Sulaiman, semut-semut hidup dengan aman dan damai. Mereka saling tolong-menolong di antara satu sama lain. Setiap pergerakan mereka mesti bersama dan berkumpulan. Sekiranya salah seekor sahaja daripada mereka menjumpai makanan, mereka tetap akan makan bersama. Begitulah kehidupan mereka setiap hari.

"Assalamualaikum tuanku," kata salah seekor daripada pahlawan semut.

"Waalaikummussalam," jawab Permaisuri Semut.

"Kenapa kamu datang ke sini dengan tergesa-gesa?" tanya Raja Semut.

"Sebenarnya aku mendapat khabar berita bahawa Nabi Sulaiman bersama bala tenteranya menuju ke negara kita. Apa yang harus kita buat, tuanku?" tanya pahlawan semut.

Permaisuri Semut itu risau sekiranya angkatan tentera Nabi Sulaiman yang ramai dan besar memijak rakyatnya yang kecil itu. Lalu ia mencari jalan untuk menyelamatkan mereka.

Tanpa membuang masa, Permaisuri Semut memanggil pahlawan-pahlawannya untuk membincangkan hal itu. Semut-semut itu berasa hairan melihat Permaisuri Semut kerisauan.

"Beta mendapat khabar bahawa Nabi Sulaiman bersama angkatan tenteranya sedang menuju ke negara kita. Apakah yang patut kita buat demi menyelamatkan negara dan rakyat kita daripada dimusnahkan?" tanya Permaisuri Semut.

"Pada pendapat patik, lebih selamat sekiranya kita arahkan semua semut-semut masuk ke dalam sarang. Patik risau semut-semut ini akan dipijak oleh angkatan tentera Nabi Sulaiman," sahut salah seekor daripada menteri semut.

Maka Permaisuri Semut bersetuju dengan cadangan daripada menterinya itu.

Apabila angkatan tentera Nabi Sulaiman sampai ke lembah semut, maka Permaisuri Semut berkata kepada rakyatnya, "Hai semut-semut sekalian! Masuklah kamu ke dalam sarang masing-masing, supaya kamu tidak dipijak oleh Nabi Sulaiman bersama angkatan tenteranya. Mereka tidak menyedari bahawa mereka membawa bencana kepada kamu," kata Permaisuri Semut.

Ketika itu Nabi Sulaiman bersama angkatan tentera baginda telah berada di situ. Nabi Sulaiman memandang ke arah Permaisuri Semut sambil tersenyum.

"Janganlah kamu takut dan bimbang, angkatan tenteraku tidak akan merosakkan dan memijak lembahmu ini," kata Nabi Sulaiman.

Nabi Sulaiman terus sujud tanda bersyukur kerana Allah telah mengurniakan kepada baginda kebolehan memahami bahasa binatang. Baginda juga berdoa kepada Allah, supaya diberi ilham untuk mensyukuri nikmat yang telah dianugerahkan kepada baginda dan ibu bapa baginda.

Nabi Sulaiman juga memohon supaya Allah menempatkan baginda di kalangan orang yang beriman.

Lalu baginda mengarahkan angkatan tenteranya melalui jalan yang lain. Nabi Sulaiman bimbang akan terpijak semut-semut di situ. Akhirnya semut-semut itu selamat daripada dipijak oleh Nabi Sulaiman dan angkatan tenteranya.

lPetikan daripada buku 366 Kisah daripada Al-Quran terbitan Edusystem Sdn. Bhd.

source:http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2010&dt=0415&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Bicara_Agama&pg=ba_02.htm

saya macam terbayangkan keadaan semut-semut tersebut. "lari-lari! tentera Nabi Sulaiman nak lalu! mati la kita kalau kena pijak!" hehehe... sort of.

.ya rabb, thabbit qulubana a'la deenik

salam a'alaikum...

like i said, accompanied atok for his medical check up yesterday. it was ok. the doctor didn't talk much because atok is getting better. it was a hectic day. fuh~~~ from last last night until last night. huh~~ my brain is getting weaker. how would it be by the 5th January 2011? yeah going back to 'beloved' kmb on that date.

tomorrow, another hectic day.

but, the sweet thing is that, everything i do, did, done... or will do has only 1 objective. Allah. yeah, right now, i'm practicing myself to do anything that only to search for His blessings. ok, sometimes it doesn't work that way. N i a t ... huhu~~ 1 word, huge meaning. pergh...

the part is, everything was worthy! the pain, the time i sacrified, the money flows out, the sleeps that faded away... all of them were not wasted. because, after everything had ended for the day, when i place my big head on the pillow... it feels nothing like i felt before. it is like, every second in the whole day was utilised well. thank you Allah!

huhu`~` may be you guys don't really get what i'm trying to say. well, 12.15am already. brain stops functioning well enough after 11.30. i'll rephrase later. insha-allah....

"sesungguhnya allah membeli dari orang-orang mukmin, baik diri mahupun harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka..."
[at-taubah,9:111]

that challenge; insignificant.

location: from parking lot of TA Securities Building.
time: asif, can't remember.
dream for the best. sky is the limit. [meeting Allah in Jannah]

salam alaikum.

ever thinking of going back to the past and reconstruct the future?
thinking that you could to better in the past now, rather than before?
wondering how life would be if you had done differently?

it is not a crime to keep the memories of the past, but it is not quite suitable to let the past holds you back from cherishing the future.but the thing is avoid reminiscing too much till it blurs you to see the future that lies ahead.

yeah, we screwed our past. i did. and my past was like 2 minutes ago. but, again, not He had written our destiny with full of love? why do we have to complain about everything? just live our live with the guidance of our 'manual', His love notes.

problems that we faced in the past were tini tiny to campare what are waiting for us.

it is not that i don't want to understand other people's problems. it is just that, for me that particular problem is not a problem at all. just an exaggeration! i'm sorry but the main problem in our lives, is far more bigger than what we had in the past. let's not use problem, change it to 'challenge'.

yeah, i do listen. but i just can't give response like you wanted. not that i dont want to, but i dont know how. ok let me say it straight, the so-called-challenge is love. ok here, no need for me to elaborate more.

i had gone through. and i survived. it is not an everlasting-happiness. yeah, 'challenge' here and there in a particular relationship, [eg: status: it's complicated]. but trust me to compare that challenges with what are waiting for us ahead, just like comparing the planet pluto with planet jupiter. or comparing the earth with the sun!!!

i know it is like 'membuka pekung di dada'. but, that is what i want to share. don't let your teenage life wasted for those so-called-happily-ever-after. use it for the sake of ummah. benefit others. the only love that stays till the end of the world, ops... no the only love that stays FOREVER, the one and only ... jeng jeng jeng... [you know it right?] it is Allah's love.

one advice from a junior that i had never met, just knowing that junior from kulsem.
"to live a happy life, simple... don't do sin."

short reminder, but really strucks me into the heart. ouch.

so, simple thing, small problems... just let them go. it is not worthy to spend time and money and brain and emotions on those insignificant stuffs. like what i learned in economics, absolute advantage. you know that only muslims will enter the heaven. so, only musleems will succeed in the hereafter. so, to live a happily ever after life, use up all of our ability as a muslim to build the ummah again. ustaziatul a'lam right? world order? it is possible. it is tiring. yeah. it is not easy. i agree. but the end is certain. insha-allah...

huh~~ a reminder for myself mostly!

think.

salam a'laikum...

duduk diam.
pikir dalam-dalam.

kita ini hamba yang bersyukur ke tidak?

hidup pasti indah, di syurga kelak

location: Dewan Tunku Syed Putra, MRSM Beseri.
time: annual dinner nahwalimtiaz.
Dia membawa cahaya keimanan, di saat manusia lemas dalam kegelapan jahiliyah.

salam a'laikum.

alangkah indahnya hidup ini,
andai dapat kutatap wajahmu.

hurm... pernah saya fikir.

kenapa Allah tak takdirkan saya lahir masa zaman rasulullah?
[huish... memang tak patut persoalkan takdir, tapi... otak.. biasalah]

kenapa saya berfikianr macam itu? huhm... sebab sedang memenuhkan masa dengan membaca dan memahami seberapa banyak seerah baginda. and i was like, "Masha-allah... hebat tahap melampau rasulullah ni!". serius!

para sahabat pula, tak kenal erti penat lelah! sekali lagi, Masha-allah!!! dikatakan para mujahid yang syahid di medan peperangan, badan mereka penuh dengan kesan luka-luka. luka yang dahsat! nak lagi dahsat?!! luka-luka tersebut hanya kelihatan di bahagian hadapan tubuh badan mereka. maknanya? mereka tak berpatah balik pun! tak berpaling ke belakang! terus mara maju ke hadapan menyerang musuh islam. sebab mereka hanya nak satu antara dua iaitu menang ataupun syahid di medan perang dan terus masuk syurga. masha-allah!!! terasa aura kehebatan para sahabat di sekeliling saya tatkala membaca raheeq makhtum [ baru sampai separuh, alahai. tak sabar nak habiskan].

bukan setakat itu, semangt juang para mujahidah turut membakar semangat saya yang dah terbakar ini. tak sangka wujud wanita-wanita hebat begitu. berkorban harta benda, nyawa, anak-anak, dan suami. tetapi tidak iman dan akidah mereka. pergh!! gile awesome! [erk.. maaf perkataan kurang sesuai, tapi sirius awesome!]

huh~~ dup dap dup dap jantung saya sekarang ini. fuh~~ relax.. chill...

itu lah sebabnya saya nak sangat jumpa hamba-hamba Allah yang hebat kerana islam ini. sebab itu saya nak ada masa zaman pembukaan kota mekah. saya nak sangat tengok Nabi Muhammad gali parit masa perang Khandak. saya nak rasai keperitan hidup bersama-sama mereka mempertahankan iman dan akidah walaupun terpaksa bergadai nyawa dan fizikal. saya teringin mendengar... khutbah... khutbah terakhir nabi kita.

ya allah,
aku tak tahu kenapa.
sekarang ini, aku tersangatlah rindu kepada baginda.
aku tidak pernah jumpa kekasih-Mu itu,
namun perasaan yang aku bendung kini,
tidak mampu aku ukir dengan kata-kata.

tapi saya tahu, takdir saya telah allah tulis dengan penuh kasih sayang. ada sebabnya saya dilahirkan pada abad ke-20 ini. selepas 1411 tahun Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. dan umat islam berhijrah ke Madinah al-Munawwarah. Allah lebih mengetahui kemampuan saya. dengan itu, saya redha. dan saya harap sangat-sangat, [ kalau bella nak main netball ngan para mujahidah] saya nak dengar rasulullah bercerita dan hayati nasihat baginda secara direct masuk dalam telinga saya. saya nak salin nota banyak-banyak lepas itu publish buku kat syurga. [author: mujahidah aimi diyana bintu ahmad rokis. source: directly from Prophet Muhammad pbuh]. biar beribu-ribu almari buku saya publish. macam mana la suara baginda ya? cerita lama-lama pun tak apa. dah lama saya tunggu.

ya allah,
semoga Kau tempatkan aku dalam kalangan orang yang berpeluang bertemu rasulullah di syurga kelak. amin....

hospital attachment =)

location: unknown, somewhere in the desert.
time: unknown, get this picture from a friend. perhaps she got it from the internet.
al- a'diyat!!! keep moving foward. i mean keep running foward!! towards His love! insha-allah...

salam a'laikum.

alhamdulillah, like i said, yesterday we went to Ampang Putri Hospital for atok's medical check up. and i felt really really extremely happy because He gave me the chance of doing my Hospital Attachment again, unplanned actually. hoh? how come? haaa.. let me tell you.

first thing first,

"in islam there is no such thing as coincidence"
"everything happens for a solid reason"

get it?
ha!! bare them in your mind...

yesterday, i was reluctant to accompany my atok as well as helping my mom to take care of atok and uwan at the hospital. huh~~ there are lots of stuff need to be done at home. yes, IB stuff. purffttt.... but, due to the unconditional love towards the person who brought me to this world [thanx mom], ignored the dun-ya stuff.

there i was. waiting near the reception counter while atok went inside to have his heart check, ultrasound scan. but then, my amazing mom called upon me. she insisted me to be there.

"ni anak saya pon nak jadi dokter. tgh buat prepration."
"laa... kenapa tak cakap awal-awal? meh sini dekat siket tgk ape saye buat dekat atok awak."

it was awesome~!!! thens, i followed atok to the consultation room. the doctor was slumber but when it comes to atok had finished his medicine last two days, whow... he became a lil bit serious. medication is important. atok need to consume his medicine daily until his blood concentration is stable.

hah ? apakah? apakah?!!
hurm... atok had his valve, specifically, bicuspid valve removed and he got a new one. according to the doctor, valve is like a door. it opens, it closes. but it the blood is too concentrated, eventually clot inside the pulmonary vein, it will damage the new valve. just like you blocked the door with something big, something hard. can it be opened? no, of course not. so, his blood need to be diluted. hence, he needs his medicine. warfarin, that was what the doctor said. it is a rat poison!! what?? he is trying to cure my atok or kill him? relax.. it is a rat poison but with a smaller dose. no harm. not fatal. just diluting the blood, so that the valve will function well. insha-allah.

next monday, i'm going to meet that doctor again. erk.. i mean... atok is going to meet that doctor again. with me of course. hehehe... another Hospital Attachement. Alhamdulillah....

well, you'll never know what Allah is going to repay you when you do good deeds with your heart. even at first, you were not that excited. the feeling will come, if you want it to come and if Allah command it to come.

" Verily, His Command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, "Be!" and it is!"
[yaasin:82]

atok, haji ujang bin said

location: infront of atok's house
time: once upon a time.

salam a'laikum.

alhamdulillah, my grandparents from my mother's side reached taman desa serdang safely from kampung sawah raja, seremban, negeri sembilan.

my atok [grandfather] is going to have his medical check up tomorrow. a few weeks ago he had his 2nd heart operation. specifically, valve operation. yeah, INSIDE his heart. according to my uwan [grandmother], the surgeon actually took out atok's heart from his body and do 'something' with it OUTSIDE of atok's thoraxic cavity.

well, learing biology in classes enables me to imagine the situation. wargh!!! goose bump!!! imagine dissecting a beating heart [ i think, or may be the doctor has a super power to stop the beating without causing fatal to atok. na'uzubillah...]. so, need to read more! future doctor, insha-allah...

actually, i want to share with you about the feeling of an atok who had just undergo 2 heart surgery in 3 months.

he has 8 kids, which includes my mother. but at kampung, he only has his adorable wife [uwan] by his side. he used to be an active person. he was the parajurit tanah air. trust me, he encountered Bintang Tiga and tentera jepun aka the group of people who brought suffer to tanah melayu. after he had retired, he stayed at kampung sawah raja. every evening he will ride his old motorbike around the village to meet his old buddies. have a chat and discuss important stuff [he dislikes lagha]. that was how he tried to trigger his mind to keep on thinking and actively connecting the neurons.

however, after the operations, he is different. way... different. he lose weight, his appetite. moreover, he sometimes forget this and that. his children were so sad but at the same time trying their best to encourage and motivates their beloved father. sadly, atok said,
"atok dolu2 sonang nak ingat, tapi sokarang atok sonang lupo. kek kampung, uwan ekau sibok kat dapor, jago ayam. ha, tinggalla atok sorang kat ruang tamu. atok tak do sapo nak borak ngan atok. jadi, otak atok tak bojalan la."

translation:
"atok dulu2 senang nak ingat, tapi sekarang atok senang lupa. dekat kampung, uwan kamu sibuk kat dapur, jaga ayam. ha, tinggallah atok seorang kat ruang tamu. atok tak ada siapa-siapa nak berbual dengan atok. jadi, otak atok tak berjalan la."

now i know, there are lots of side effects due to surgery. it affected atok's eyesight, coordination, memory. but not spirit. that is what amazed me. he never give up. even he is not well, he still perform the prayers five times a day. even he needs tongkat to walk or stand, he still solat normally [as if like standing, not sitting for rukhsoh]. it broke my heart when i saw him perform the asar prayer today. he was struggling to maintain his posture for the sake of Allah. he wanted to present the best solat for Allah. even it cost him difficulties.

atok, saya tabik spring sama tok!!!

grandparents,
they just need someone to talk to. they dont really desire attention. they just want to fill the empty space inside. there is a huge different between craving for attention and filling the empty space.

so, if you still have one or two or more grandparents, appreciate them. love them. talk to them. listen to them. cherish the moments with them. for you will regret the day you neglect them. there are a lot of things going on inside their mind. their brains are full of wisdom. don't let me start with the valuable experiences in life. pergh!!!

we often search for role models. actors, politicians, singers, motivators, historians, etc. but we often overlooked. our grandparents are all of the role models i mentioned earlier. i'm bluffing?! hah! give it a try. you'll see. insha-allah...

he, who loves us.

location: jogging track. on the right is the palm-oil plantation.
time: one evening, with no one else at the field.
insya-allah, i'm still on the right track.
"Guide us to the straight Way" [al-fatihah,1:6]

salam a'laikum.

praise to allah.
alhamdulillah.

i'm still on the track, the right track.

have you ever realised that, we are too passionate when we talked about Allah, about His love. but have we ever think of the person who Allah loves the most? do we ever try to know that fabulous person?

who is he?

in syahadahtain, his name is mentioned after Allah's.
he was an orphan.
he settled the problem faced by the arabs in placing the hajar aswad back to its original place after the flood that had ruined kaabah.
his name was given by his grandfather, a name that has never been given to any grandchildren of arabics before.

he is Muhammad bin Abdullah.

yes, our Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

currently, i'm indulging myself with books. one of them is, al-raheeq al-makhtum by
Syeikh Sofiyyur-Rahman al-Mubarakfuri.

it is a book about Muhammad's life. from the the day he was born till the day he drew his last breath.

what triggers me to know more about him, was my roommate. she said that we often talk about love, Allah's love. but we forget about the person who loves us the most. the person who cried when he knew that the lowest level of hell [lower than fir'aun's, 6th level] mostly will be occupied by his ummat. the one who his last sentence on earth was US, we!! even he never met us, he loves us. what about us? we know his seerah. we know his stories. we know his fights. we know him. but, do we love him as much as he does?

feel it

location: KL sentral
time: after searching USB for my printer at lowyatt.
this holiday is just another platform, the journey isn't over yet!

salam a'laikum.

hurm...
actually, like other IB survivors, i also cant believe myself that i had been through those hectic semesters, A L I V E. praise to Allah. alhamdulillah.

masha-Allah.

there were a lot of stuff going on this semester. which had made me become a better person, insha-Allah. let's start from the end of this semester. we ended it with ... yes! exam!!! it is hard to believe that, even though i was freaking worried about this semester exam at the beginning, but then throughout the 1 week + 1 day of exam mode, i was not that nervous. well, of course it was not because i was satisfied with my revision. it is just that, it was my heart. dont know why, but alhamdulillah, even though it was only for 8 days, He gave me the chance to do feel close to Him not because i want something from Him. it was just because i want to meet Him, i want to be close to my Creator.

it is hard to describe the feeling in words. you have to feel it! try it. it was awesome. on the last day of exam, monday, while waiting for my hot father, Mr. Ahmad Rokis, i was scared. very very scared. i think, i'm not that scared when i listen to you-know-what story. why was i scared? huh~~ i was afraid that the feeling will fade away, since Mr Holiday is here. it is going to be a full 1 month holiday. who wouldn't be scared? the 1 week+1 day awesome feeling could just simply blown away be the 1 month-full-of-jahiliyah holiday.

i flipped through His love notes,

"and surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard [ for the Cause of Allah] and As-Sábirún [the patient], and We shall test your facts [i.e. the one who is a liar, and the one who is truthful]."
[muhammad,47:31]

"dan sungguh, Kami benar-benar akan menguji kamu sehingga Kami benar-benar mengetahui orang-orang yang benar-benar berjihad dan bersabar di antara kamu, dan akan Kami uji perihal kamu."
[muhammad,47:31]

so, the holidays are just sort of a test for me. either what i did for the 8days was really really for the sake of Allah, or it was just because of something else. something that i dont even know what. i'm afraid. i don't want to be a liar. mostly, not to myself. because i know how amazing that feeling was!

O Allah, please let me keep this feeling. forever.
i am trying not to let it go. and i won't let it go.
i'll pray and work hard not to let it go.
please Allah.

looking back when i first started actively blogging, [ after spm ], hurm.. my old self. never thought i would be 'this' aimi now. and i love 'this' aimi better that before. it is not that i am not thankful for what i was before, it is just that i am even more grateful with who i am now. it is all His will and other people's prayer. those who pray for me to be a better person, thank you. may Allah repay your kindness.

during SPM, yes everyone one was very devoted to solat, du'a. and i thought that was the time i felt really close to Allah. walking along the pavement between two hostels towards the musollah for subuh prayer, gazing at the stars, A L O N E. i felt that alone. with no one else. sort of like kedekut. but that time, i didn't realised that was kedekut. because it felt great to be alone. spending time with Allah, alone. but again, behind those feelings, the reason why i tried to get close to Him, was just because i want straight 10 1A's in SPM. everyday everynight, i met Him just to ask 10 A's from Him. i never think of what i can give to Him. urgh, how ungrateful i am.

the Prophet Muhammad pbuh once said that if we do something for the sake of DUN-YA, we will get it. alhamdulillah, i got what i wish for. but then, i forgot who granted my wish. i fell into the dark world. A world the i wish not to enter it anymore. it was deep dark. i can't even find myself back there. too dissolved with those jahiliyah. forgetting who i am. ignoring who had created me. the world was full of happiness actually. but temporary happiness. not eternal.

but then again, He saved me from the darkness. He showed me the light. He sent kind people to help me stand up again, as a muslim. as a true muslim. not as a student who happens to be a muslim BUT a muslim who happens to be a students. yeas, i am a full time muslim. no doubt about that. insha-Allah.

back to the main topic, the feeling that i feel NOW, is totally waayyy different from the feeling that i experienced 2 years ago. two years huh? never realise it was that long since i left high school. two years can made a whole lot changes to a person, but it depends on which path that s/he want to choose.

ok, i'm sorry. this entry is so looong... might be boring. but i just want to share. that if we do something for the sake of dun-ya, the happiness won't last long. but if it is because of Allah, the smiles on our faces and hearts will last forever. insha-allah...

hurm... another 3.5 weeks to go. i can do this. we can do this. preserve this feeling! if only i can place this feeling in a box an lock it in my heart, i will. but again, i think i don't need such box because i have Allah. the One who holds my heart. He holds the key to unlock it. so, to Him i pray, for this feeling to stay. amin...

we are not alone

location: national zoo
time: 1st sem [i think]
He knows everything.
And with Him are the keys of the unseen treasures-- none knows them but He; and He knows what is in the land and the sea, and there falls not a leaf but He knows it, nor a grain in the darkness of the earth, nor anything green nor dry but (it is all) in a clear book.
[al-an'am, 6:59]

salam a'laik.

He knows. believe me. when i heard this song, tears roll down. i often said that i cry alone. no one is there to comfort me. no one listens to my words. but, i was wrong. i was never alone back there. so do you.

we have Allah. He who knows everything. inside out.

When you feel all alone in this world
And there's nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows

learn to let 'it' go.

location: under a tree in between blok E and netball court.
time: after the seniors' interview for OZ universities.
that girl: hehe.. guess who?
[sekadar hiasan]

salam a'laikum.

hurm.. what's up with the title? well, feel free to read till the end. ^_^

read a section in a book today.

by Dr. Mustafa as-Syibaie.
it talks about a war in islam.
ghuzwah hunain.

in this war, from my reading i think there are a bunch of lessons that we can grab from it. two of them [which really really knock my heart+head HARD, hard enough to wake me up and tell me that] life is not about quitting and it is not wrong to be a hypocrite at the beginning of something].

there were a lot of ghanimah [valuable stuffs left by the musyrikin at the war field, after they ran away!!!] collected by the muslims soilders. if i'm not mistaken they were 6000 slaves and women, uncountable groups of camels and goats. a large portion of it was presented to the leaders of arab and also the quraish.

the thing that i want to emphasise here is about the leaders of arab. for you information, ghuzwah hunain took place after the fathul mekah [opening of the city of mekah]. thus, the leaders of arab [who haven't convert to islam YET] might hold a grudge towards the muslims. hence, Prophet Muhammad pbuh decided to give them those valuable ghanimah in order to attract them towards islam. yeah, it might sound that they love islam because of wealth. but, the reason why Rasulullah pbuh did that was to erase all of their hatred towards islam dan towards dakwah and for them to see islam in a different perspectives. realise that with those givings, their existance in city of mekah was cherished instead of they being negleted or killed by the muslims. hence, their anger and hatred towards islam faded away due to Muhammad's brilliant idea.

it is known that those arabic leaders who had converted to islam, they fought for islam whole-heartedly. they were in the first row in battle. they had done a lot in spreading islam to peninsula of arab.

even though, at the beginning of their faith, they were attracted to islam because of presents, lots and lots of valuable presents, they were called mujahid. this is because along their way to fight for islam, they learned that islam is the best and islam is the only right religion for them. furthermore, they managed to feel the 'ikhlas' even though initially they were not.

Al-Hassan rahimahumullah once said,

" kami menuntut ilmu ini bukan kerana Allah, namun ilmu ini tetap mendorong agar ia dilakukan kerana Allah."

well, for me, even though we feel nothing when we walk along 'this path', don't ever quit.
even though we didn't felt the same as what others felt, don't ever stop searching.
because Allah did not see the outcomes, but He sees our efforts. He knows the best regarding where and when that are suitable enough for us to have the feeling of 'ikhlas'.

besides, it is not a crime to be a hypocrite at the beginning of something good. it is our fitrah right? attracted to eveything that is good. but, biasalah... ego! brothers and sisters, learn to let go your ego. it is nothing. it is devastating your , our... iman. even though at first we try to do something that is right, that is good, but we felt like... 'argh!! this is so not me!", just don't stop. He will granted us the feeling of 'ikhlas' if we really really want it. just like those leaders of arab.

from Hlovate [yeah, i'm reading novels!!! pretty great huh? hahha. of course not love novels, so not my type] in her book, VERSUS [got a lil part of romanticism, ehich I skipped. hehehhe],

"you'll never reach perfection because there is always room of improvement. yet, alog the way to perfection you will learn to get better."

dia datang lagi; cuti

salam a'laikum.

praise to Allah,
sem 3 is finally over.

but the worst is just around the corner.
H O L I D A Y!!!

meaning? away from bi'ah solehah.
meaning? have to fight jahiliyah internally and externally.
meaning? i must be prepared!

currently waiting for ayahanda to fetch me here, in kmb.
berdebar actually.

how would this holiday turns out?
better or worst?

ya allah, aku hanya mampu merangcang, tapi Engkaulah sebaik-baik perancang. kepada-Mu aku berserah.

ambiguity

salam a'laikum.

sorry for the silence.
it had been a while since i last opened this web.
yeah, even facebook, nothing to be done with it.
except for stalking others. ha ha ha.

tomorrow's gonna be math SL paper 1 and paper 2. hurm... insya-allah, i'll try my best.

when it comes to exam, everyone will be like "ya allah bantulah hambaMu ini". well, same goes to me. but then, when we are not in exam mode, "wah! akulah yang terhebat!".

we use exam as a tool to seek for Allah's blessing or we use Allah's blessing as a tool to sit for exam?

hurm...


think about it?

insya-allah i'll continue this entry later.

gtg. salam!!!

p/S: to KMBians, all the best.

ibu bapa.

salam a'laikum...

leteran seorang kakak kepada adik-adiknya.

"korang kena belajar rajin-rajin. kasik dapat markah hebat-hebat. kesian mama ngan papa keje susah-susah. ingat belaja lagi susah ke dari keje?"

tapi, apa respon...

sadis... sadis.. sadis...

mata dijulingkan. focus hanya pada laptop.

terasa pedih di ulu hati.

tiba-tiba terkeluar pertanyaan yang tak dirancang pun.

"macam mana one day mama tak balik rumah? eksiden? bila lagi korang nak buat mama happy?"

adik-adik masih buat tak tahu.

ini kerana mereka tidak tahu.
tidak-tahu.
dua perkataan tersebut menjadi penghalang segala-galanya.

mereka tidak tahu betapa peritnya kehilangan seseorang yang amat disayangi.
mereka tidak tahu sakitnya menghantar jenazah ke tanah perkuburuan.
mereka tidak tahu deritanya untuk menerima pemergiannya dengan hati yang redha.
mereka tidak tahu.

sahabat-sahabat,
hargailah mereka yang anda sayangi. please!
especially ibu bapa.
sayangai mereka sepertimana mereka berhak disayangi.
kerana kita tidak tahu, bila akan tiba masa mereka. masa kita.

ya Allah, rindunya aku pada Jannah-Mu.
semoga jannah bahagia di sana.

in 9 days...

salam a'laikum.

hurm.. exam is near.
even though it is the 3rd semester exam.
which everyone considered it as tak-score-exam-ni-pon-takpe-sebab-tak-include-dalam-pape-result-pon-better-focus-on-ee-ia-tok.
but for me, it is huge!
if i fail or get lower grades tham sem 2, something bad is gonna happen.
huhu...
doa, usaha, istiqamah, tawakal.
see!! must work hard first, then you can tawakal!!!!
not when is only left 5 more minutes till exam starts. duh~~~

ya allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan hidupku. please...

romanticism

salam a'alaik.

nothing much to be shared.
just that,

harun yahya had really made me think, rethink actually.

"there is a subtle danger that leads people away from religion, prevents them from submitting to God as their Lord, adn ultimately, brings numerous other forms of trouble and distress upon them. this danger is romanticism, which leads people to live, not according to their reason, but according to their emotions; that is, according to their desires, hatreds, their susceptibility to temptations and their whims."
[Yahya, Harun (2002), Romanticism: A Weapon of Satan. India: Millat Center; page 13]

all of the time, when we use our emotions to judge something, it will end up --> UGLY. ugly i tell ya. not only you'll loose the lovable people around you, but also yourself. your are just trying book a place in hell. don't you want to live happily ever after? in jannah? i do.

yeah. sometimes we fall in love. well, that is what we call fitrah. but ain't now is too early? as if belasan tahun. ok.. i know, 19 already. this upcoming january... no more number 1 infront of my age. gotta accept that. but come on brothers and sisters! life is more than just falling in love. life is much more than that. open your eyes! please.

this is a piece of puzzle from usrah last week. which i didn't manage to attend due to ..... [no need for me to mention here]. asifah adik2.

let me ask you. what do you see infront of you right now?
your answer?
---------------------------------

perhaps you gonna say, it's a dot. tinie tiny dot. a black dot to be more precise.
wow! brilliant! marvellous vision.

but... what actually DID i asked you?
isn't it "what do you see INFRONT of you right now?"???
instead of saying a laptop, or a wall, or even a huge plasma tv... you said "there's a dot".
[to whom had answered other than 'a dot' at the first place, WELL DONE. alhamdulillah...]

see, we tend to see small things instead of the huge, numerous, enormous, gigantic stuffs in front of us. yes, love is important. but to what extend? love towards different gender, it is not a crime. it is fitrah right? but... why? i saw in newspapers, tv... babies are everywhere. in the dumpster, toilet bowl, pile, street, wrapped in newspapers, bitten by dogs, etc. those are CRIME! murderers! is this the ummat that Allah promise Heaven for them???? O Allah, forbid this from happenig to any of us.

no one can find true love. unless that love is originated from Allah. unless that love is based on searching for His blessings. uhibbukumfillah. is that right?

life is only once. appreciate it. don't stop searching for His blessings until you are very sure that you will end up in jannah.

terjadi;

nak berubah.
menjadi lebih baik.
define 'baik'.
argh! S E R A B U T~!

spread the LOVE

location : kmb concourse
time : before Creative Club meeting

melihat dunia.
sedih.
jahiliyah tersebar luas, pantas.
apa mampu aku lakukan?
aku hanya seorang pelajar.
bukanlah seorang perdana menteri yang 'hebat' mencanang-canangkan Economic Transformation Programme.
hanyut, lemas dibawa arus modenisasi sehingga alpa terhadap pengakhiran yang pasti.

kadang-kala, tanpa saya sedari... saya turut lemas. berusaha untuk menyelamatkan diri dari penipuan dunia ini. namun, karat-karat jahiliyah yang setia menemani, menjadi pemberat yang berusaha sehebat mungkin untuk menarik saya jauh dari jalan yang lurus. ya, dunia memang indah. tapi, sadarkah kita bahawa syurga keindahannya berjuta-juta ribu ratus puluh indah dari dunia ini?

hurm... sepanjang dua minggu lepas, saya lemas dalam IOC [interactive oral commentary]. mengkaji puisi-puisi pilihan karya Usman Awang atau nama sebenarnya Wan Osman bin Wan Awang. salah satu puisinya termasuklah Kelopak Rasa. mengisahkan tentang keinginan penyajak berkongsi kebahagiaan dengan semua orang kerana dia yakin bahawa semua orang, tidak kira miskin mahupun sebatang kara, berhak merasai kebahagiaan. selain itu, penyajak berpendapat bahawa tidak semua orang dikurniakan rasa nikmat bahagia dan menjadi satu tanggungjawab buat sesesiapa sahaja yang telah mengecapi kebahagiaan untuk menyebarkan dan berkongsi rasa indah tersebut dengan orang lain.

Jika rasa ini seperti angin malam
bertiup dari laut dan gunung
melampaui tanah-tanah subur dan ladang menghijau
hati ini akan menghembuskan bahagia yang melimpah
bergetar bagai riak di tasik hati bulan cherah
kepada setiap benda supaya semua sama menchechah.

Ambillah sebahagian dari rasa ini, terimalah
seperti hati yang kini mengerdip terserlah
keringkanlan airmatamu, setitis jangan tumpah
biar kolam derita kering dan tak seorangpun
meski pengemis di bawah jambatan dan lorong
merasa sepi dan menatap dunia serba kosong.

Dari sekuntum bibir dan sepasang mata hitam
bertunjang erti rasa; pedih-duka bahagia-ria
Itulah alam hati yang menumbuhkan pohon rasa
kelopak demi kelopak menjelma meniti musimnya.

Bahagia anugerah keramat, alangkah manisnya pagi
datang mendakapku dan biarlah ia selamanya menyanyi
pada setiap bibir dan hati
dengan megahnya mengukir kehalusan rasa.

Kuala Lumpur, April 1964

Sumber : Puisi-puisi Pilihan Usman Awang

namun, apabila saya menghayati [ceh.. menghayati gitu...] sajak tersebut, rupa-rupanya ada terselit mesej tersirat. definisi 'kebahagian' di sini merujuk kepada kefahaman dalam agama. kerana...

man yurudillah hu bihi khairan yufaqqihu fiddeen
[barangsiapa yang Allah inginkan kebaikan untuknya, Allah berikannya kefahaman dalam agama]

tidak semua orang dikurniakan kebahagiaan begini. hanya yang terpilih sahaja, kerana itulah perkataan 'anugerah keramat' digunakan. namun, setiap perkara yang datang dengan harga. kefahaman yang dikurniakan oleh Allah bukanlah untuk disimpan dalam laci dan dibuat cenderamata. ataupun, disimpan dalam hati untuk kegunaan diri sendiri. tapi disebarkan kepada orang lain, agar mereka turut merasai betapa bahagianya menyedari hakikat penciptaan kita sebagai seorang khalifah dan abid. hal ini demikian kerana tidak semua orang dapat merasai 'kebahagiaan' tersebut sehinggakan mereka terjebak dalam kebahagiaan yang tidak sepatutnya. na'uzubillahiminzaleek. sudah menjadi tanggungjawab buat mereka yang sudah mengecapi 'kebahagiaan' tersebut untuk berkongsi dengan yang lain. nak masuk syurga bukan seorang diri [nanti bosan], nak masuk syurga ramai-ramai kan?!!!

selalunya lah kan... bila kita tengok mereka-mereka lemas dalam kemelut jahiliyah, we tend to hate them instead of what they did. huh~~ apakah ini? jalan sebelah-sebelah, buat muka macam nak kena tumbuk. pergi DS, mulut berkata-kata tapi sekadar telinga sendiri yang mendengar. balik hostel lepas ambil dobi, mata melihat... hati menjerit sekuat hati memberi peringatan. tapi sekadar menjerit dalam senyap. kalau perkara ini berterusan, macam mana sahabat-sahabat kita nak tahu apa yang mereka buat itu Allah tak suka? salah siapa sekarang? mereka yang tak tahu, atau kita yang tahu? jawap jawap... come on!!

saya faham, kadang-kala bukan tak nak menjalankan amarmakruf nahimungkar itu sendiri. cuma keberanian semakin pudar. selain itu, mind set pun menjadi Tembok China yang melemahkan semangat untuk mengajak semua orang masuk syurga sama-sama. pemikiran yang mengetengahkan semangat "hidup aku, hidup aku. hidup kau, hidup kau. selagi kau tak kacau hidup aku, aku tak kacau hidup kau." ya, kubur kita lain-lain. tak berkongsi pun. tapi, kubur nanti sebelah-sebelah kan? hurm...

tersebutlah suatu kisah,

pada suatu hari, selepas tamat Remedial Class Biology, Sumayyah dan sahabat-sahabatnya berjalan pulang dari blok akademik menuju ke blok asrama. dalam perjalanan pulang, mereka melalui satu kelas yang mana di dalamnya wujud seorang lelaki... dan seorang perempuan. setiap langkah melintasi kelas tersebut diiringi dengan pandangan yang tidak disedari oleh mereka di dalam kelas tersebut. dalam hati sumayyah, dia tahu perkara itu Allah tak suka. tapi, takut. takut nak tegur. takut nanti mereka terasa hati. sebab mereka berdua itu, kawan sumayyah. langkah diteruskan juga dengan rasa beban yang amat berat. kaki terasa begitu lemah untuk terus melangkah pergi membiarkan sahabatnya terus menempah kemurkaan Allah.

dengan lafaz Bismillah ar-rahman ar-raheem sumayyah memberhentikan langkahnya dan patah balik menuju ke arah kelas tersebut.

"assalamualaikum..." sambil sumayyah mengukir senyuman.

"waalaikumussalam..." balas mereka serentak.

"sya, zack. kamu tengah study ke?" cuba bersangka baik.

"ha'ah... bincang paper chemy. markah sya sadis la mai," syazana mengadu.

"oooo..." sumayyah masih memikirkan apa yang ingin diperkatakan. seboleh-bolehnya dia ingin berada di kelas tersebut selagi mana mereka berdua sahaja di dalamnya. selepas memberi isyarat kepada sahabat-sahabatnya yang sedang menunggu di tangga supaya pulang dahulu, sumayyah melangkah masuk dan menyertai perbincangan mereka. meskipun, mukanya terasa bahang menahan malu kerana menyibuk, namun, dia tahu dia punya tanggungjawab.

"Allahu akbar, allahu akbar!"

azan asar berkumandang. sumayyah mengajak syazana pulang.

"sya, jom. dah asar nih. nnti ada frisbee practice. zack kitorang balik dulu. thanks sebab kongsi ilmu dengan kitorang. semoga Allah memberkati kamu. ma'assalamah"

sumayyah dan syazana melangkah keluar beriringan. meninggalkan zack seorang dalam kelas mengemas apa yang patut. tiba-tiba, tangan sumayyah dipeluk erat. air mata syazana membasahi lengan baju kurung sumayyah.

"aik, kenapa pulak nih sya?" sumayyah bingung.

"thanks mai. sebab tak tinggalkan sya." tersedu-sedu syazana membalas.

"tinggalkan sya? kat mana pulak mai nak tinggalkan sya?" sumayyah pura-pura tak mengerti.

"mai... sya tahu. sya perasan je mai lalu kelas sya tadi. sya dengar je apa yang classmates mai bisik-bisik. tapi sya buat donno je, panas hati dengar. tapi, tiba-tiba mai datang temankan sya. sya tahu mai sengaja. mai otai chemy kot! mane la nak bincang paper lepas-lepas. mai buat-buat tak tahu apa yang kitorang bincang. padahal, mai tahu je." semakin deras air mata sya.

"sya..." sumayyah cuba memujuk.

"mai. selama ini, sya sedar, sya tahu je apa sya buat tadi tak manis dipandang orang. tapi, tak ada siapa-siapa yang ingatkan sya. lagi sya dikutuk adalah. lagi la sya rebel!!! tapi mai tak tinggalkan sya. sebab sya tahu, mai sayangkan sya. mai ambil berat pasal sya. mai tak nak sya masuk neraka kan?" syazana menyambung kata-katanya.

"sya, kalau kita dah sayangkan seseorang itu, mesti kita nak yang terbaik untuknya kan? dan mai sayang sya bukan sekadar sayang biasa. mai sayang sya kerana Allah. mai hanya mengharapkan persahabatan kita ini diredhai allah. mai suka apa yang hilal asyraf tulis dalam buku sinergi." sumayyah cuba menerangkan.

"Kalau kau terjun ke dalam neraka sekalipun, aku akan terjun juga, untuk tarik kau semula, agar kita dapat berpimpin tangan masuk ke syurga."

"kita masuk syurga sama-sama nak, mai." syazana membalas sambil memeluk erat sumayyah.

"jom, nanti kat syurga kita dapat tengok Allah yang menciptakan kita. tak sabarnya mai nak tengok Pemilik kuasa terhebat yang menuipkan roh kita semua." bisik sumayyah sambil mengalirkan air mata kesyukuran.

hurm... seronokkan kalau perkara ini betul-betul terjadi. insya-allah... sebenarnya cerita di atas adalah kisah benar. saya ada touch up sedikit. ^_^ tapi yang pentingnya, apa yang saya cuba kongsikan ialah... manusia punya hak untuk ditegur dan dinasihati. tunaikanlah hak mereka. jangan biarkan ketakutan kehilangan sahabat kerana menegur, menghalang kita daripada menyelamatkan mereka dari kemurkaan Allah. [peringatan untuk diri sendiri juga]

homey. sayang allah.

alhamdulillah...
finally.
i'm home.
all praises to allah.

ujian [darab] berkali-kali [sama dengan] Allah sayang kita!!!!!

Salam alaikum.

Pernah tak terasa bosan apabila kita cuba memberi signal-signal tertentu kepada seseorang, tapi orang itu tak perasan pun. Lebih menggeramkan kalau orang lansung tak faham. Aiyaaakkk!!!!

Tapi kan, Allah tak pernah bosan atau naik angin apabila hamba-hamba-Nya tak faham apa yang Dia cuba sampaikan melalui ujian-ujian-Nya. Faham ke?

Hurm.. Macam inilah. Seorang akhowat pernah memberitahu saya bahawa sekiranya ujian yang sama datang menimpa diri kita, bermakna masih lagi ada perkara yang belum selesai. Contohnya, kalau kita ada masalah dengan kawan baik kita kan, lepas itu dah berbaik semula. Tapi, tak sampai dua hari… timbul pula masalah lain antara mereka, SEKALI LAGI! Kemudian, okeh semula. Lepas itu, masalah balik. Aduhai….. Tak ke rasa fed up?

Itu maknanya mesti ada perkara antara dua orang sahabat tersebut yang masih belum selesai. Masalahnya, dua-dua masih tak tahu dan tak faham APA MASALAH ANTARA MEREKA BERDUA. Mereka masih tak dapat nak figure out apa yang Allah cuba beritahu kepada mereka berdua.

Tapi kan, perasan tak Allah tak bosan pon memberi ujian kepada dua orang sahabat itu walaupun BERKALI-KALI Dia bagi ujian YANG SAMA. Allah pernah fed up ke dengan hamba-hamba-Nya? Allah bagi macam-macam signals kepada hamba-Nya supaya mereka faham apa yang mereka silap buat. Tapi… hamba-Nya tak nampak-nampak juga apa yang Allah cuba sampaikan. Sebab apa? Sebab mereka tak berfikir. Eh.. Bukan.. Bukan… mereka kurang berfikir. Fikir kenapa Allah bagi ujian yang sama setiap masa.

Kadang-kadang apabila kita mendapat ujian, kita selalu mengeluhkan? Allah sendiri dah cakap dalam al-quran,

"Sungguh, manusia diciptakan bersifat suka mengeluh. Apabila dia ditimpa kesusahan dia berkeluh kesah. Dan apabila dia mendapat kebaikan [harta] dia menjadi kikir."

[surah al-ma'àrij,70:19-21]

Sebagai seorang hamba yang lemah lagi hina, diri ini juga tidak terkecuali dari memiliki ciri-ciri manusia yang telah dikatakan oleh Allah dalam al-quran tersebut. Nak dijadikan cerita, pagi tadi, seorang sahabat telah menceritakan perihal masalah yang ditanggungnya. Hatinya sudah tak tahan menanggung beban ujian yang menimpa, mari saya emphasizekan di sini, UJIAN YANG SAMA, mula lah mengeluh dan merungut. Astaghfirullah hal 'azeem…. Diceritakan kepada deskmate. Seperti yang saya perkatakan tadi, masalah dengan sahabat baiknya. Inilah itulah… apa-apalah… lepas itu, dia cakap hanya Allah sahaja yang dapat membaikpulihkan keadaan mereka.

Allah memang Maha Melihat lagi Maha Mendengar. Al-hakim, Maha Bijaksana. Sungguh indah lagi sweet cara Allah menjentik hati hamba-Nya. Hurm… sebaik sahaja sahabat tersebut mengeluarkan keluhannya yang terakhir, handphone dia berbunyi menunjukkan satu mesej telah diterima. Mesej tersebut daripada sahabatnya yang berkonflik dengan dia yang mengharapkan agar keruh persahabatan mereka dapat dipulihkan secepat mungkin.

Ya Allah, sangat terharulah saya melihat keadaan itu. Sahabat saya itu dah pening fikirkan macam mana nak settlekan masalahnya, sehinggakan dia mereng sejak belakangan ini. Allah memang tak akan menzalimi hamba-hamba-Nya. On the spot, Allah turunkan pertolongan buat dirinya.

"ukhuwah y terjalin atas dasar akidah, atas dasar cinta kepada Allah.... tak kisah berapa juta kilometer kita jauh terpisah, berapa bulan kita tak dapat berbual, satu mesej pon tak mampu nak reply, pasti akan mekar juga. kerna andai tali yang menghubungkan kita dengan allah itu kuat, allah comfem akan menghubungkan kita semua"

Hubungan yang terbina atas kebergantungan kepada Allah, insya-allah akan sentiasa dalam pemeliharaan-Nya dan selalu mendapat butir-butir cinta daripada-Nya dalam bentuk yang tidak disangka-sangka.

"dan Dia yang memberi rezeki dari arah yang tak disangka-sangka. Dan barangsiapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah, nescaya Allah akan mencukupkan keperluannya. Sungguh Allah melaksanakan urusan-Nya. Sungguh Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi setiap sesuatu."

[surah at-talaq,65:3]

I fall in love again.