the 'H' problem

salam 'alaik.

aku kuat! aku kuat! aku kuat! aku kuat! aku kuat!

benda yang sering saya katakan pada diri saya. huh~~ berkata2 mmg senang. tapi nak buat tuh sememangnya memerlukan kehebatan tahap melampau.

emosi agak kurang stabil. bukan kerana pms. tapi kerana hati. ye HATI, HATI, HATI.

siapa yang x pernah hadapi masalah hati hah? tipu laa... kalu ye, huh~ bukan manusia la tuh tapi robot. ish ish ish...

it is easy to fall for sum1. but it is hard to overcome that stupid feeling. i'm 18. and ofcoz i have that so-called-stupid-feeling. i am not abnormal.

i believe in karma. what goes around comes around.

like i stated, i'm ONLY 18. getting a place in KMB to do my IB is only my first step to be a doctor. 2 years in doin diploma IB. and another 5-6 years till i get the DR. title. where? it doesnt matter. as long as i can get one.

it is 7-8 years rite? huh~ a long period. and i'm going to meet lotsa kind of people.

if i say i had found the rite guy NOW, will it last forever?

can i promised him dat i wont meet other guy?
or
can he promised me that he wont meet other girl?

does he really2 meant what he said?
he's not my father. he's not my relatives.
he just a person who i noe for a few years.

yes, i'm a paranoid.

i don wanna hurt anyone. and mostly i dont wanna hurt him.
coz, if i do... one day.. one fine day... sum1 is gonna hurt me badly too.

i don wanna say the 'L' word to many guys in a life time.
i wanna say the 'L' word only ONCE!![i'm praying for it]
so, i'll keep the 'L' word for the rite moment.
even, it gonna takes 8 years.
and i donno if he could wait for that long.

i'm hurting myself . i noe. but it is better than i hurt sum1 else.
i did not cried bcoz of jelezsy like i did b4 [wat a stupid thing to do], but i cried becoz i donno how long my heart can handle this situation. how many times more i have to tell myself that aku kuat!?

none of us noe what is gonna be like in the future. no one can predict future. only ALLAH knows.

i leave it all to Allah. He knows the best for me. what ever had been written for me in the luh mahfuz, i'll accept my fate.

but it wont hurt anyone if i pray for our own individual happiness eventhough we are not on the same path.

i have my princip. and i'm gonna stick to it!!! yes!! i'm gonna stick to it. insya-allah.

owh~~ 23rd jun 20o9!! cepat laa smpai... i wanna get my head n my thought n my focus in my studies... and perhaps keep this feeling in a security box and keep the combination numbers away for 8 years.

but the question is can i?