salam readers.
read syud's latest entry. and she made me realised sumthing.
you were rite syud...
rite now i cannot choose the door dat i cannot "intai".
the guardian forbidden me coz of thousands reason.
sum of them, may be.
>i am not totally ready yet.
>i may be living in hell.
>lose my dignity. [hurm./.. perhaps]
>kill myself. [i can but i dont think i will. coz i lov my life]
>mostly, i will lose all the people who i love and the people who love me and take gud care of me for who i am. not for who i am not.
why shud i lose all the people i really2 care and dying to meet [mis ya guys alot!], just becoz i wanna choose that "forbidden door"? i asked myself, do i really2 need to open dat door r8 now? do i? coz i've already know wat are waiting for me behind the unforbidden door. the life is super awsome! crazyly fantastic and deadly full of sweet and sours.
so, dbah.. yeah.. the road is still UNDER CONSTRUCTION. it will not be ready till i say so. so, i just have to walk on the other road. highway may be? hehe.. or just the normal road.. sukatie ak laaa...
read syud's latest entry. and she made me realised sumthing.
you were rite syud...
rite now i cannot choose the door dat i cannot "intai".
the guardian forbidden me coz of thousands reason.
sum of them, may be.
>i am not totally ready yet.
>i may be living in hell.
>lose my dignity. [hurm./.. perhaps]
>kill myself. [i can but i dont think i will. coz i lov my life]
>mostly, i will lose all the people who i love and the people who love me and take gud care of me for who i am. not for who i am not.
why shud i lose all the people i really2 care and dying to meet [mis ya guys alot!], just becoz i wanna choose that "forbidden door"? i asked myself, do i really2 need to open dat door r8 now? do i? coz i've already know wat are waiting for me behind the unforbidden door. the life is super awsome! crazyly fantastic and deadly full of sweet and sours.
so, dbah.. yeah.. the road is still UNDER CONSTRUCTION. it will not be ready till i say so. so, i just have to walk on the other road. highway may be? hehe.. or just the normal road.. sukatie ak laaa...
okeyh... end of this topic.. wanna write about my past. what beseri had done to me!!
well, life is not a bed of roses lorh.. i noe dat. and i finally got dat idiom rite when i was way back in beseri. thoughest years in my entire 18 year-old life. mase lower form kat smksi ak just reti gne dlm essei je.
never tought dat life is way... not so a bed of roses. mse kat SI mne ak nak jadik pemimpin pelajar.. stakat pengawas pss cukop ar.. bukan ak nak kate pengawas pss x reti memimpin. noo... my ketua pengawas pss kak laviania.. was a totally awsome and friendly yet very talkactive leader. she taught me alot. respect her till.. forever!!! so, as i was saying.. back there.. i was just a follower. never ever even bother to take in charge of anything. i rather choose to be a kuli and get bullied than to be a person who stands up fer herself. i oftenly got offended by others.. but sumhow.. being scared and nvr had the will to defend myself... i just let it go... started a new life everyday.
but... back there.. i wasnt alone. farah atika.. my sahabat. alway there to looked after me. love her like crazy. fiefah my bff, she's a totally brainiac... nvr leave me alone even in a stivky situation. hurm.. still remember.. there was a day dat we need to complete our ujian lisan in group of four. got out lines ready. hafal.. hafal. hafal... sebijik2 ak hafal.. hurm... i have this may be sort of photographic memory.. heheh.. but not dat good. then, cikgu bm panggil gie depan2 kelas. waat??!!! ak ingat wat dalam group ngan cikgu je. last2, kne ckp kat depan..!!! depan SATU KELAS! wat??!!! ak dah stat cuak. lines terabor time practice. then, our group. i was in the middle and i was the 2nd person to talk. infront of the class... all the eyes were staring at me. like owls. waa.. takot... especially the guys... i really2 not gud wit guys in SI. i hardly talked to them even my own classmates. i was afraid that i'll blush. waaa... malu laa.. so, when they all started to stare at me like dat.. i started to cuak... lupe lines!! blank! kosong kepale otak. and guess wat... i cried like a baby. yeah.. me.. cried... huh~~ malu.. malu... pastu cikgu kate.. belatih dlu.. nnti wat lagi skali. alhamdulillah x fail.
but sumhow i got a place in mrsm beseri. and all i wanna do is get good grades and be the best student. HAHAAHAHA... berangan laa.. weyh.. dak mrsm sume pndai2 la... ingat senang ke?? dat was wat my darling [my friend who happens to be boy but acts like a girl.. hur.. boleyh kawan ngan laki. tapi yang lembut2 je.. hehhe].. last word 4 i leaved SI. and alhamdulillah.. first sem i got good grades. and dat DAMN GRADES had threw me into a massive trouble. BORANG BWP! "wajib beli untuk yang 3.5 and above.." akk jpa ckp time roll call. ha?? ak lak.. cam stick-to the-rules-and-obey-wat-ever-the-leader-said.. beli je ar.. isik and hantar.
ak x taw. borang tuh sebenanye akan ubah idop ak 156%!! yea!! mmg tunggang tebalik idop ak lps jadik bwp. hurm.. jadik bwp mase sem 2. tapi ak sgt la.. bwp tarak gune! useless.. keje pon cam nak x nak je.. ye la.. kne pakse jadik bwp la. tuh ar aimi! x penah nak stand up for urself. tgk ape da jadik?? aiyok... wat keje ala kadar je. yang jadik mangse? bwp laen ar... sory guys and girls. i was a terrible leader. may be sbb tuh ak still leyh score time sem 2. stick to the books.. psp.. and preps.. never ever nak amek kesah sal maktab. idop ak aje.. ak x kaco idop ko. ko jgn kaco idop ak. okeh? dat was my prinsip.
tapi... cuti thn 2007.. cuti akhir thn. ak tetibe terpike kan sesuatu. and ak terbace satu artikle psl kepimpinan la. ntah cmne ak leyh bce smpai habis. 5 muke surat taw ak? bukan artikel kot.. ntah la... lantak ar.. tapi 5 pages. may b Allah nak buka pintu atie ak kot.bagi ak sedar siket sape ak nih sebenanye. and after finished i cried.. ha'ah.. nangih tu je a r yang ak reti. pastu. ak berazam nak jadik orang yag bergune kat mktab. ak x mo time kne soal kat akhirat nnti ttg ape yang ak pimpin, ak x leyh jwp. ntah la.. tgk ar cne.. kite x leyh taw kan cne keadaan kite time akhirat. so, ak mse tuh ak pike.. "ak kne wat yang terbaek bukan yang terbalik". ak ingat lg ak ckp kat chik
"chik, ak nak jadik bwp paling hebat... ak nak kalahkan mamat tuh"
haha.. btol.. kan chik?? i noe u are reading this. sape mamat tuh? ha! pengakuan eksklusive.. hey bos.. if u r reading dis... sorry la yerp... hurm.. coz he is so xcellent in almost everything! kadang2 ak ade gak rse nak tumbuk dya sbb terer sgt. kan ak dah kate. ak mmg kuat jeles kat orang laen yang lg hebat dari ak. x kire ar jantina ape.. bangse ape.. ak mmg akan try my best nak beat diorang.
huh~~bwp.. ape ko da buat kat ak?
-built my self-confidence.
-ak berani mintak ape yang ak nak.
-i finally hv my social life. hahah..
-hv the courage to talk to budak2 laki.
-x nangih kalu lupe lines.. and oleyh2 wat muke toye kat orang len.
-ak leyh conduct meeting. waa... MT2 ak sgt hebat. ak sayang diorang.
-ak dpt atasi fobia ak kat orang lelaki yang tinggi dan besar. hahah..
-ak boleyh borak2 ngan cikgu2 cam kawan2.. tapi ad batas ar..
-hheeh.. berani skipp kelas coz nak discuss ngan cikgu salim pasal akad maktab. penah skali tuh dari recess smpai abeh skolah.. arie jumaat. adeh... siket je ar kot yang ak miss kat klas. [selame nih ak x brani taw dan x penah].
-dlm meeting, siap boleyh men2 perli2 orang lak. nak bukti ak da berani ar... buli orang len.. hish hihsh hish...kan syud..[ terok aimi].
-curik mase ak study.. sedeyh ooo... pengorbanan... itu kot sb result ak drop sem3 ngan 4.
-ak penah bg ucapan kat dlm dtsp. depan satu mktab atas pentas.. sorang2.... ni sume gare2 mr press gie jd wakil mktab. ak lak yang kne gnti. ketar2 gak. ade ramai orang... dak batch, juniors, cikgu2, pihak pentadbir ngan jemputan. ak rse cam.. mati laa ak!!! hhehe.. but.. thanx to beseri and bwp.. ak x nangih. and ak x wat script pon... hehhe... just point2 and ak elaborated siket2... dpt tepukan yang best tuh... heheh... poyo...
-ak dpt nek bas maktab byk2 kali!!! almost every month ak akan nek bus kesayangan tuh. hahah.. best2...
-dpt kwn bek ngan orang yag ak x penah pike akan jadi kwan ak. [sume bwp ak x knl pon mse sem 1 f4, ak taw azreen je. klasmate ak la. pastu syud-si bijak pndai, qish-si sastera, waida-si satu row cube ak, rahiim-si mamat suke bg hadis, niswah-si xMrsm, ashaari-si usher.. diorang tuh ak knal dari jaoh je. cam x de keinginan siket pon nak knal diorang. yanglen... mampos ak x penah jumpe pon kat mktab. but thanx to bwp... baru ak knal korang tuh sape.. hehhe. mase meeting first.. baru ak sedar.. lorh.. diorang nih wujud ke kat mktab..
-jadik ketue blok yang sgt i-dun-noe-wat-to-say! haahha.. roll call.. mintak mmaap la junior yerk..
-dpt late nite supper coz meeting lme sgt and x sempat nak kejar supper pas prep tuh. kalu ade rzki, beleyh dpt byk ooo.. credits to usher and rahiim's hp. hahah..
-prob kongsi sme2 coz kitorang taw ape yang bwp len rse.
byk lagik sebenaye.. nih baru 15% je.. x tersenarai ak. so, everything happens 4 a reason. but for dis case i wanna say, everything happens 4 LOTS OF reasonS!!! if i never be a bwp, may be i am still a quiet person and i-dont-care-about-anything-except-study-and-books kinda person.
but... back there.. i wasnt alone. farah atika.. my sahabat. alway there to looked after me. love her like crazy. fiefah my bff, she's a totally brainiac... nvr leave me alone even in a stivky situation. hurm.. still remember.. there was a day dat we need to complete our ujian lisan in group of four. got out lines ready. hafal.. hafal. hafal... sebijik2 ak hafal.. hurm... i have this may be sort of photographic memory.. heheh.. but not dat good. then, cikgu bm panggil gie depan2 kelas. waat??!!! ak ingat wat dalam group ngan cikgu je. last2, kne ckp kat depan..!!! depan SATU KELAS! wat??!!! ak dah stat cuak. lines terabor time practice. then, our group. i was in the middle and i was the 2nd person to talk. infront of the class... all the eyes were staring at me. like owls. waa.. takot... especially the guys... i really2 not gud wit guys in SI. i hardly talked to them even my own classmates. i was afraid that i'll blush. waaa... malu laa.. so, when they all started to stare at me like dat.. i started to cuak... lupe lines!! blank! kosong kepale otak. and guess wat... i cried like a baby. yeah.. me.. cried... huh~~ malu.. malu... pastu cikgu kate.. belatih dlu.. nnti wat lagi skali. alhamdulillah x fail.
but sumhow i got a place in mrsm beseri. and all i wanna do is get good grades and be the best student. HAHAAHAHA... berangan laa.. weyh.. dak mrsm sume pndai2 la... ingat senang ke?? dat was wat my darling [my friend who happens to be boy but acts like a girl.. hur.. boleyh kawan ngan laki. tapi yang lembut2 je.. hehhe].. last word 4 i leaved SI. and alhamdulillah.. first sem i got good grades. and dat DAMN GRADES had threw me into a massive trouble. BORANG BWP! "wajib beli untuk yang 3.5 and above.." akk jpa ckp time roll call. ha?? ak lak.. cam stick-to the-rules-and-obey-wat-ever-the-leader-said.. beli je ar.. isik and hantar.
ak x taw. borang tuh sebenanye akan ubah idop ak 156%!! yea!! mmg tunggang tebalik idop ak lps jadik bwp. hurm.. jadik bwp mase sem 2. tapi ak sgt la.. bwp tarak gune! useless.. keje pon cam nak x nak je.. ye la.. kne pakse jadik bwp la. tuh ar aimi! x penah nak stand up for urself. tgk ape da jadik?? aiyok... wat keje ala kadar je. yang jadik mangse? bwp laen ar... sory guys and girls. i was a terrible leader. may be sbb tuh ak still leyh score time sem 2. stick to the books.. psp.. and preps.. never ever nak amek kesah sal maktab. idop ak aje.. ak x kaco idop ko. ko jgn kaco idop ak. okeh? dat was my prinsip.
tapi... cuti thn 2007.. cuti akhir thn. ak tetibe terpike kan sesuatu. and ak terbace satu artikle psl kepimpinan la. ntah cmne ak leyh bce smpai habis. 5 muke surat taw ak? bukan artikel kot.. ntah la... lantak ar.. tapi 5 pages. may b Allah nak buka pintu atie ak kot.bagi ak sedar siket sape ak nih sebenanye. and after finished i cried.. ha'ah.. nangih tu je a r yang ak reti. pastu. ak berazam nak jadik orang yag bergune kat mktab. ak x mo time kne soal kat akhirat nnti ttg ape yang ak pimpin, ak x leyh jwp. ntah la.. tgk ar cne.. kite x leyh taw kan cne keadaan kite time akhirat. so, ak mse tuh ak pike.. "ak kne wat yang terbaek bukan yang terbalik". ak ingat lg ak ckp kat chik
"chik, ak nak jadik bwp paling hebat... ak nak kalahkan mamat tuh"
haha.. btol.. kan chik?? i noe u are reading this. sape mamat tuh? ha! pengakuan eksklusive.. hey bos.. if u r reading dis... sorry la yerp... hurm.. coz he is so xcellent in almost everything! kadang2 ak ade gak rse nak tumbuk dya sbb terer sgt. kan ak dah kate. ak mmg kuat jeles kat orang laen yang lg hebat dari ak. x kire ar jantina ape.. bangse ape.. ak mmg akan try my best nak beat diorang.
huh~~bwp.. ape ko da buat kat ak?
-built my self-confidence.
-ak berani mintak ape yang ak nak.
-i finally hv my social life. hahah..
-hv the courage to talk to budak2 laki.
-x nangih kalu lupe lines.. and oleyh2 wat muke toye kat orang len.
-ak leyh conduct meeting. waa... MT2 ak sgt hebat. ak sayang diorang.
-ak dpt atasi fobia ak kat orang lelaki yang tinggi dan besar. hahah..
-ak boleyh borak2 ngan cikgu2 cam kawan2.. tapi ad batas ar..
-hheeh.. berani skipp kelas coz nak discuss ngan cikgu salim pasal akad maktab. penah skali tuh dari recess smpai abeh skolah.. arie jumaat. adeh... siket je ar kot yang ak miss kat klas. [selame nih ak x brani taw dan x penah].
-dlm meeting, siap boleyh men2 perli2 orang lak. nak bukti ak da berani ar... buli orang len.. hish hihsh hish...kan syud..[ terok aimi].
-curik mase ak study.. sedeyh ooo... pengorbanan... itu kot sb result ak drop sem3 ngan 4.
-ak penah bg ucapan kat dlm dtsp. depan satu mktab atas pentas.. sorang2.... ni sume gare2 mr press gie jd wakil mktab. ak lak yang kne gnti. ketar2 gak. ade ramai orang... dak batch, juniors, cikgu2, pihak pentadbir ngan jemputan. ak rse cam.. mati laa ak!!! hhehe.. but.. thanx to beseri and bwp.. ak x nangih. and ak x wat script pon... hehhe... just point2 and ak elaborated siket2... dpt tepukan yang best tuh... heheh... poyo...
-ak dpt nek bas maktab byk2 kali!!! almost every month ak akan nek bus kesayangan tuh. hahah.. best2...
-dpt kwn bek ngan orang yag ak x penah pike akan jadi kwan ak. [sume bwp ak x knl pon mse sem 1 f4, ak taw azreen je. klasmate ak la. pastu syud-si bijak pndai, qish-si sastera, waida-si satu row cube ak, rahiim-si mamat suke bg hadis, niswah-si xMrsm, ashaari-si usher.. diorang tuh ak knal dari jaoh je. cam x de keinginan siket pon nak knal diorang. yanglen... mampos ak x penah jumpe pon kat mktab. but thanx to bwp... baru ak knal korang tuh sape.. hehhe. mase meeting first.. baru ak sedar.. lorh.. diorang nih wujud ke kat mktab..
-jadik ketue blok yang sgt i-dun-noe-wat-to-say! haahha.. roll call.. mintak mmaap la junior yerk..
-dpt late nite supper coz meeting lme sgt and x sempat nak kejar supper pas prep tuh. kalu ade rzki, beleyh dpt byk ooo.. credits to usher and rahiim's hp. hahah..
-prob kongsi sme2 coz kitorang taw ape yang bwp len rse.
byk lagik sebenaye.. nih baru 15% je.. x tersenarai ak. so, everything happens 4 a reason. but for dis case i wanna say, everything happens 4 LOTS OF reasonS!!! if i never be a bwp, may be i am still a quiet person and i-dont-care-about-anything-except-study-and-books kinda person.
No comments:
Post a Comment